I Am Back!!

Well, I am gearing to get this blog back up and rolling.  This is my lengthy explanation of where I have been and what I have been up to!

A couple months back I had to stop. Stop all of it.  Initially it was all of my internet time consuming task, but mostly this blog and my “health” goals.  What I was neglecting was my mental health.  I needed to walk away from my blog for a while to re-gain sanity. 

I had made hefty weight loss goals at the beginning of this year and I even joined two challenges that cost me big bucks to enter.  I stopped all of those things too, weighing myself, counting calories, obsessing over whether or not my body was weighing less.  I found I was getting angry with my body and I was feeling crazy with my load as a wife and a mother.  Not a healthy place to be if you ask me!!!

For my sanities sake, I had to stop it all.  I had to re-prioritize my life.  I have visited with my doctors and I am healthy in all physical aspects, other than I am overweight.  Since my mental health was going to pot, I just had to stop it all.  For one whole month I didn’t go to the gym and I didn’t fret over the food I ate.

I maintained my weight for the most part, up until the past week or so where I have seen a gain.  Sigh…

During my time “off” I mostly just took a step back and began breathing again.  I was struggling with anxiety and it was getting worst with my weight loss efforts.  I would stress over things I did not have control over like sickness, and the moods of my children.  I would cry and feel stressed if I couldn’t get to the gym.  It was at a point of I needed to make a change, and I really didn’t want to let go of my goals I had set, but something big had to budge or I was not going to “get better” mentally.

I worried that my anxiety was beyond my control.  I was to the point I had made an appointment with my doctor to talk about options and possible medications.  But due to my doctor being out of town and a job change with insurance not starting up right away,  my appointment was a month out.  I decided before I got into see my doctor I would do every thing I could to get mentally healthy before I went to see her. 

Normally I think most of us would benefit from exercise mentally.  But it was not working for me, it was bringing more stress, especially because all of my efforts felt in vain because I was not losing any weight.  I was feeling more stress about trying to get to the gym, than was good for my soul and my body!

Along with my break from the diet world, I saw a counselor to see if I could sort some things out. My hopes were that I could gain some tools to help me deal with my anxiety so I wouldn’t have to turn to a medication route.

The other change that took place was birth control, I ran out of my prescription for the pill and I wouldn’t be able to re-fill until I had my doctor appointment.  So I went off.  I suspected that the hormones in the pill were partial factor in my anxiety (which has been a struggle for me the whole year I was on the pill).  I started feeling better and better with each day without the pill.  The hormones were messing me up!

Here are some of the things I learned from my:

“break from weight loss”

-Yes, the birth control pill makes me more moody and anxious.  Not a good way to live!

-Going to therapy was helpful and I was able to gain a better perspective and helpful tools for coping.

-Not working out, was a blessing for this time being.  I needed it! Backwards I know!

-You have to put what is most important first, even if it means you have to give up something you want really bad (I had big dreams of being down 60 lbs by June! Not gunna happen!!)

-When I eat lots of sugar I am more moody and it also brings on the anxiety.  Dang, I wish sugar wasn’t a factor cause for some crazy reason I like the stuff!

-When I am not exercising and eating healthy I have a hard time getting to sleep, and a  harder time getting up in the morning.  I missed my deep sleep and the ability to fall asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow!

-But most importantly I have once again learned how important it is to Trust in the Lord!

So here I am, ready to start making healthy choices once again. I didn’t think my break was going to be as long as it was, but I am grateful to say that I am a healthier person today, even if I still am fat! :)  I can think clearly again, and I am not emotionally volatile, like I was becoming a few months back.  I have gained back a great sense of sanity and I don’t live in an anxious hole of worry.  I am very grateful.

I hope all of you are hanging in there!  Please do not forget to take care of your mental health as well as your physical health.  They go hand in hand and if one is lacking greatly, you can not win!

 Have a beautiful week!

Amber

... There is good news too!

Okay since I vented on my last post I only though it is fare to tell you about the good things happening in my life today as well.

-After trying to sell my car for several months I have a buyer!  Yes we had to drop the price a couple of thousand dollars, but we have a buyer and we can replenish some money in our bank account!!  I am still crossing my fingers that it all goes through.  I love my car and it is hard to let it go.  I bought it brand new in 2006, we “upgraded” to a mini-van last September so it is time to say goodbye to my lovely little wagon!

-Since my husband became a CPA, we have been searching for a new job.  He has applied many places.  The past two week have been FILLED with interviews (around 10ish!!).  He is even on round three (the job is between him and another individual!) at a job he would really like.  Tomorrow is the big day for this final interview.  We have been hoping and praying this is the job for us and that it will be a significant pay increase (especially since he has never had a raise in all four year of our marriage, even when he did get his CPA!).  Please pray for us!

-I had a nice Valentines with the hubs.  We went to dinner then went dancing.  It was a fun evening filled with Lindy hop, ChaCha and Salsa!  My mom was so gracious to babysit for us, it was wonderful to get out and just be alone for a little while.

So there are some really great things in the works at our house.  I hope your week is going well!

Been absent, but still here.

I am still here.  I haven’t opened up this blog, my email or read any of yours for almost two weeks,.  I am holding strong and maintaining my weight.  This morning pre-Thanksgiving feasting I was at 185.1.  We will see how things pan out on my weigh in day Saturday.

My kids have been sick with runny noses, coughs and an ear infection.  I haven’t been able to go to the gym for a couple weeks and really my priority has been just the care of my kids.  We have been hovering at home for the most part, with a few walks here and there.

I didn’t update for the Christmas Dress Challenge last weekend, so I guess I am out.  I haven’t really put it as a priority in my life right now.  I was excited to have a challenge to keep me going, but my kids have been sick it seems like all fall, and now winter is about here and we are still fighting buggy germs.  I have also been fighting off a stuffy  head, sore throat and runny nose as well.  I have been downing the Coldcalm and Zicam like there is no tomorrow.  It hasn’t gotten worst, so maybe it is working.

Even though I am dropping out the Challenge, I am not giving up.  I am hoping to get back on track soon and really hoping that my kids starting getting well enough that I can start taking them back to the gym with me.

This post is full of randomness.  Today is Thanksgiving and I am so very grateful for all of the many blessings in my life.  I have a wonderful family and I feel so grateful to have most of them near enough to gather for holidays like today.  Although we have been battling germs on the home front I am so thankful for me and my family’s health.  Despite the crankiness we have all had over the past month or so, overall we are healthy.  Yeah, I am still in the overweight category, but when I have gone to the doctor all other things check out to be healthy.

I am grateful for my husband’s job.  He doesn’t particularly like his job, but he has stuck it out for 5+ years.  We are on hot pursuit for a new job, and he actually has his first interview next Friday!!  We are not too excited that the job is 2 hours away from where we live now, but if every thing comes together we will move our family to this little po-dunk town, which feels like it is in the middle of nowhere.  I just want my husband to be in a job where he is happy and feels valued by his skills. If moving is what we need to do, it is what we will do.

I am so grateful to be a mom.  My kids are active and keep me on my toes, but they are fun.  My 2 ½ year old daughter is starting to get stronger language skills and this has helped so much in communicating what she wants.  My one year old is full of smiles and laughs (when he isn’t feeling lousy with an ear ache!).  He just brings me so much joy!  I feel blessed to be able to be at home with them.  We make sacrifices where needed and make it work. Being a mom is awesome.

I am grateful for a warm home and modern technology, it just makes life really great!

PS—My sister who has struggled with her weight all of her adult life, has been working hard at losing weight.  She has been on the journey for over a year now and this week she hit the 100 lb pound mark, 101 lbs to be exact!!  I am so proud of her, and she actually weighs less than me now (she is 7 inches taller than me!!! I am the short runt of the family of tall people).  I think that is a pretty awesome accomplishment.

Have a safe Black Friday, for all of those who dare go out shopping.  I may run to a store, but no early crazy shopping for me this year!