I Am Back!!

Well, I am gearing to get this blog back up and rolling.  This is my lengthy explanation of where I have been and what I have been up to!

A couple months back I had to stop. Stop all of it.  Initially it was all of my internet time consuming task, but mostly this blog and my “health” goals.  What I was neglecting was my mental health.  I needed to walk away from my blog for a while to re-gain sanity. 

I had made hefty weight loss goals at the beginning of this year and I even joined two challenges that cost me big bucks to enter.  I stopped all of those things too, weighing myself, counting calories, obsessing over whether or not my body was weighing less.  I found I was getting angry with my body and I was feeling crazy with my load as a wife and a mother.  Not a healthy place to be if you ask me!!!

For my sanities sake, I had to stop it all.  I had to re-prioritize my life.  I have visited with my doctors and I am healthy in all physical aspects, other than I am overweight.  Since my mental health was going to pot, I just had to stop it all.  For one whole month I didn’t go to the gym and I didn’t fret over the food I ate.

I maintained my weight for the most part, up until the past week or so where I have seen a gain.  Sigh…

During my time “off” I mostly just took a step back and began breathing again.  I was struggling with anxiety and it was getting worst with my weight loss efforts.  I would stress over things I did not have control over like sickness, and the moods of my children.  I would cry and feel stressed if I couldn’t get to the gym.  It was at a point of I needed to make a change, and I really didn’t want to let go of my goals I had set, but something big had to budge or I was not going to “get better” mentally.

I worried that my anxiety was beyond my control.  I was to the point I had made an appointment with my doctor to talk about options and possible medications.  But due to my doctor being out of town and a job change with insurance not starting up right away,  my appointment was a month out.  I decided before I got into see my doctor I would do every thing I could to get mentally healthy before I went to see her. 

Normally I think most of us would benefit from exercise mentally.  But it was not working for me, it was bringing more stress, especially because all of my efforts felt in vain because I was not losing any weight.  I was feeling more stress about trying to get to the gym, than was good for my soul and my body!

Along with my break from the diet world, I saw a counselor to see if I could sort some things out. My hopes were that I could gain some tools to help me deal with my anxiety so I wouldn’t have to turn to a medication route.

The other change that took place was birth control, I ran out of my prescription for the pill and I wouldn’t be able to re-fill until I had my doctor appointment.  So I went off.  I suspected that the hormones in the pill were partial factor in my anxiety (which has been a struggle for me the whole year I was on the pill).  I started feeling better and better with each day without the pill.  The hormones were messing me up!

Here are some of the things I learned from my:

“break from weight loss”

-Yes, the birth control pill makes me more moody and anxious.  Not a good way to live!

-Going to therapy was helpful and I was able to gain a better perspective and helpful tools for coping.

-Not working out, was a blessing for this time being.  I needed it! Backwards I know!

-You have to put what is most important first, even if it means you have to give up something you want really bad (I had big dreams of being down 60 lbs by June! Not gunna happen!!)

-When I eat lots of sugar I am more moody and it also brings on the anxiety.  Dang, I wish sugar wasn’t a factor cause for some crazy reason I like the stuff!

-When I am not exercising and eating healthy I have a hard time getting to sleep, and a  harder time getting up in the morning.  I missed my deep sleep and the ability to fall asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow!

-But most importantly I have once again learned how important it is to Trust in the Lord!

So here I am, ready to start making healthy choices once again. I didn’t think my break was going to be as long as it was, but I am grateful to say that I am a healthier person today, even if I still am fat! :)  I can think clearly again, and I am not emotionally volatile, like I was becoming a few months back.  I have gained back a great sense of sanity and I don’t live in an anxious hole of worry.  I am very grateful.

I hope all of you are hanging in there!  Please do not forget to take care of your mental health as well as your physical health.  They go hand in hand and if one is lacking greatly, you can not win!

 Have a beautiful week!

Amber

Chocolate Temptations Resisted

So last night I almost gave in.  Going grocery shopping with the hubs is dangerous.  He loves to sneak lots of goodies into our cart.  Sometimes I can talk him out of it, but sometimes I turn off the nag and let him do his thing.

Our shopping trip last night he only threw in three evils: Little Debbie Brownies, Chocolate Poptarts, and a 2 liter of soda.

I had made up my mind I wasn’t going to touch his treats, but I was very, very tempted and weak last night.  As we were kicking back with the kids in bed, he threw a couple of  chocolate Poptarts into the toaster and man the scent that wafted!  It smelled like he was baking brownies.  My salivary glands started going and I was feeling like I was missing out on something good.

I told my husband that I was about to give in and eat some of his chocolate goodness.  He told me to stick to my word and not eat any of it!

I stayed clear of his goodies and had some sugar-free ice cream.  Hardly compares, but I am continuing to refrain from any sweet baked goodies and candy.  Low and behold it is the 15^th and I have made it half way through the month!!

How are you doing with your new 2012 health and fitness goals?  What is helping you keep to your guns?

Challenge for $$ Reflections

I am debating about joining a local weight loss challenge.  It begins this Saturday and goes through June 8^th (my wedding anniversary!).  The first place prize is $3000.  If I could drop my sugar habit for six months, it is possible I could win this challenge.  I am a winner you know???!!!

Four years ago I joined a fitness challenge at my gym.  I was determined, I was motivated.  It was a six week challenge and was measured by the greatest amount of fat percentage lost.  There were only 8 people who participated, but I did have tough competition.  I don’t remember all the details and numbers, but I do remember only loosing around 5lbs.  But I lost 10% of my body fat and won the challenge!  It was a great boost in my roller coaster of adventure. Here are my before and after pictures from the challenge.

I have always wanted to be trim and fit and have taken great efforts to do so.  It has always been a challenge to keep my weight at bay, but since I have had kids, it has been even more difficult.  The body I once cursed and felt like it was oh, so large, I would love to return to today.  Perspective!

So if I join this challenge.  I would like to return to the 150lb beauty, I was four years ago. 

I am a numbers person.  I looked up the past two years winners of this challenge and one lost 30% of her body weight and the other lost 26%.

For me to drop 30% I would be at my ideal weight of 140lbs.  Can I get it accomplished  by June 8^th?  It is possible, but being a mom now, can I do it???  I know I can do it, I am just not sure how the road there will look exactly.  Dropping everything and going to the gym doesn’t exactly work with two toddlers who need a lot of attention from mom.  Even when I plan it into our day, things come up (teething, sickness, need of a nap or just plain cranky! All of which seem to happen a lot in my life!).

Oh decisions, decisions!  Maybe if I could make a goal of what I would do with the $3000.  The possibilities are endless.  A new camera housing for my 50mm Nikor lens.  A cruise vacation with the hubs to Alaska.  A nice little nest egg for the kid’s savings accounts.  Or maybe a special trip shopping and to the spa, ahh... a day of relaxation. 

I have almost talked myself into the challenge.  We will see what happens between now and Saturday.  It costs $50.00, so for me if I drop the money on the table I will need to commit to make it worth it.  Of coarse I aim to win if I join, but I do know that the ultimate winnings are a healthier, leaner more in shape body!  If I can get my sugar habits under control this is very possible!!!

Any advice or words or encouragement are welcomed!

Happy 2012ing!

Chocolate Fest and a Sleep Number Bed

Over the weekend the hubs, kids and I all went to the in-laws for a little staycation.  They have a spare sleep number bed that we wanted to try out to see if it would help us get better sleep.  I spent several weeks, several years ago at a friend’s that had a sleep number bed and all I remember is being uncomfortable and rolling onto my friends side of the bed, due to different number preferences.  Not the best rest. I found the same this time around.

We stayed at the in-laws for three nights.  First night: lots of waking up and adjusting the number.  Second night: not too bad, slept well but was probably so tired from my lack of rest the first night.  Third night: uncomfortable and sore.  I felt just like I had woken up in my own bed.

We decided not to make the switch, at least not for now.  There is no reason to change  out one bed that you wake up achy in, to another bed that leaves you achy.  We were going to buy a memory foam bed a month or so ago, but instead we had a different impulse buy, which drained our funds… a mini-van.  Yeah, now I am a mini-van mom. 

While staying with the in-laws I went crazy on chocolate.  My mother-in-law has got junk food all over the place and I took the Liberty to help myself.  She even has a fridge in the garage full of chocolate.  I have never opened it though!  When ever I am at their house I am weak, so many temptations.

I made sure I chugged a ton of water while inhaling the cocoa.  Before I got to their place I was bloated, and the whole stay I was even more bloated!  I could hardly stand to keep my jeans buttoned up! I gained a like four pounds over the weekend (so much for my loss!).  Thank goodness the scales are declining again.  I will be lucky if I actually have a loss this week, we will see once Saturday rolls around. Yikes!

So back to life on the home front.  Things are busy between the kids and church, but I will continue to move forward.

I have tried to comment on several blogs and I am not able to again.  I have no idea why.  Just know I am out there reading several of your blogs.  Keep on trekking along!

Getting Specific...

When I created this blog I thought I would use if for reflection and as a tool for me to overcome my love of sugar.  I haven’t done much of that, but decided to do a little reflectingo today.  Please bear with me.

Since life is busy with two little ones at home I have blogged at a minimum this summer.  I was so happy to find the Slimmer this Summer Challenge.  So my blogging for the most part has just been my weekly check in for the challenge.

Some days I have little conversations with myself, like today for instance.  I saw a picture of me from the 4^th of July and I still cringe.  Even though I am losing weight, I still to me feel like I have such a long way to go.  My highest ever prior to children was 170lbs.  I worked really hard to stay down in the 150-160 range.  I always wanted to be around 130-140, no matter how hard I tried I have had difficulty return below 150.  Right now I am at 188 and it still feels so far away.  Enough of the pity party…. Moving on.

Like I have a dozen times (and probably will a few dozen more).  I have decided to buckle down even more.  I have goals and rewards for each ten pounds lost, but I decided I need to be even more specific. I was a special education teacher, prior to becoming a stay at home mom.  Something that I dealt with on a daily basis was goals.  It was drilled in my brain over and over how to write a “proper” goal.  It must be specific, measureable, attainable, action oriented, result oriented, and given a time frame.  Some people use the acronym SMAART.  But in the classroom our goals looked more like this:

IEP Goal/Objective Example:

From a baseline of  ___, the student will....

• perform a specific skill
• a specified number of times
• under specified conditions
• at a specified level of achievement
• for a specific length of time.

So how does that apply on my weigh loss journey today??? That is what I am trying to figure out.  I knew going into this summer challenge that losing 2lbs a week was attainable, but given my love of sweet things, and how I choose to conduct myself, it really isn’t happening.  An average of a pound a week is really more realistic with my sweet lifestyle.

So I turned to the numbers (Why does my brain have to be obsessed about numbers???).  I will be 34 years old in the first week of March.  That is 29 weeks from now.  Somewhere in my head I got the idea of getting down to 134lbs by my 34^th Birthday.  So as of today I would need to lose 54lbs in 29 weeks. 1.86lbs a week, so basically 2lbs a week.

Since the beginning of this challenge I have only lost 13lbs in 10 weeks.  So my average is running at 1.3lbs a week.  If I continue at this rate I will have lost 37.7lbs by my Birthday week.  Heck lets round it up to 38lbs, to make it a round 150lbs.  That would be great still, but not my 134 by 34.

I know I can lose an average of 2lbs a week, I just would have to give up sweets, or at least some sweets.  If any of you have ever glanced at my food diary at MFP, you will notice I have not given up all things sweet like many of you.  I eat something of a sweet nature every day. I know if I gave up even half of my sweets I would lose more rapidly.  For goodness sake.  I workout 5-6 times a week for 40-60 minutes.  I do this so I can eat sweets and still lose at a slow rate.  Hence my addiction to sugary goodness.

So here I am brainstorming at to how committed I am to getting down to 134 by 34.  Cutting back on all things sweet, is the key to kick things into gear.  I hesitate for two reasons.  1. I have done it before and I do lose more quickly.  When I go back to eating sweet things I gain so fast it isn’t even funny. Right now in my life I am not willing to give it up for good.  2.  I love sugary goodness!

My thoughts were to keep sweet things here and there and work hard on my workouts and lose at a slow pace.  I was hoping the slow pace would be closer to 2lbs a week.  So here I go again.  I am going to re-commit.  I am going to write a specific, measureable goal in hopes that I can pin this one!

Here we go:

By March 6^th 2012 I will weigh 134lbs.  This will be achieved by tracking my calories and carbs on MFP aiming for 1500 calories and under 165 grams of carbohydrates/day taking into account my fiber adjustments and eating my exercise calories if I choose to do so.  I will also work out 5 times a week for 40-60 minutes each session.  I will also be able to run a 10 minute mile with ease.

Benchmarks:

Lose 18lbs by Halloween: 170lbs

Lose 33lbs by Christmas: 155lbs

Lose 54lbs by Birthday: 134lbs

I guess I already did this when I wrote my original goals on my sidebar.  I just needed to add dates to clarify my vision.

I feel like I need to add something about sugar, but I am not sure what I am willing to commit to at this point.  I am thinking about going strict no sugary sweets every other week.  Maybe that will trick my system and I will be able to enjoy sweets occasionally and boost my weight loss.  I think I will give it a try and reevaluate in a month or so.

So feedback time:

How have you given up your favorite things/habits/addictions?  What works for you?

Thanks for being so awesome and supportive!

Week 2 Results: Slimmer This Summer

My goals:

-Journal my meals

-Be under 165g of Carbohydrates/day

-Exercise 5 times a week for 45-60 minutes

-10 glasses of water a day

-Run/walk a 5K in under 40 minutes

-Build a support network

-lose an average of 2 lbs/week, 24lbs total

Beginning Weight: 201.3

Week 1: 198.6 (-2.7)

Week 2: 198.6 (0) No change L Bummer

I took my weekly measurements and since last Monday I lost one inch from my waist, ½ inch from both my belly and my hips.  I also lost ¼ inch from my arms.

Sorry no pictures this week. I pretty much look the same as last week. :)

Let’s start with the good news. I rocked it on working out.  I got in some really challenging work outs including: weight training, bike riding, the elliptical, a few walks and the stationary bike.  My goal is 5 work outs and I got in 6, and of those 6, 3 were really challenging!!!  I really pushed myself this week.  I didn’t run at all this week since I was focusing on getting in my weights/circuit training.  Hopefully I will get a run or two in this week.

The not so good news, the food!  I Saturday I busted my butt at the gym.  No matter what I ate, I was still hungry.  I could not get my blood sugar to even out.  I even passed out and took a nap in the evening.  Since I was so frustrated with my blood sugar I pigged out on four cookies.  Not little cookies either.  The large Peppridge Farm cookies.  And it was good.  Sugar doesn’t make me hyper or give me energy, and man did I sleep deep that night.

Sunday part of our Father’s Day celebration I made brownies for my husband and our guests.  I didn’t track my carbs knowing I was going to be over.  I planned on this and made a very clear decision about enjoying the rich treat I had made.

Don’t worry, I paid for it this morning when I was working out. I usually try to get in an hour of cardio and today 45 minutes was about to push me over the edge.  That is the price I get to pay when I eat sweets.

Daily Carb Count:

Monday: 162 (3 under)

Tuesday: 147 (18 under)

Wednesday: 208 (43 over)

Thursday: 143 (22 under)

Friday: 167 (2 over)

Saturday: 200+ carbs (35+ over)

Sunday: Didn’t count today.  I had brownies so I know I went way over! (35+ over)

I have shown improvement in the water department.  I got in the 10 glasses of water all but two days.

I have read several blogs and am loving all the support and comments.

I have a question for all of you readers who have been on the weight loss journey for a while.  When I have a really challenging work out and get a great burn, how do I keep from starvation mode?  How much should I adjust in my eating for the really good work outs?  There have been some days where I am soo hungry!  Any tips or suggestions.  I am getting in plenty of protein, but for some reason it just isn’t cutting it!

I know I haven’t lost a lot of weight yet, but I can already feel my pants getting looser and my measurements are showing that as well.

On to week three!

What Are Your Weaknesses?

Here we are the first week is wrapping up for the Slimmer This Summer Challenge.  It has been a good week.  I am looking forward to my first weigh in tomorrow and I decided I am going to measure again and take progression pictures, so those will be posted tomorrow.

I have done a lot of reflecting this week. With each meal I have been thinking about portion sizes, protein content and carbs.  Keeping track of things by measuring on my little scale and carefully counting out quantities has been rewarding.  It has kept me on track.  Because I am counting carbs, I am able to curb my sugar cravings.  Sugar is my weakness.

The more sugar I eat, the more I want and the less control I have.  For me it is not realistic to swear off sweet things.

I have done it.  More than once.  I can do it, but when I stop doing it, I binge.  Not right away, but eventually it leads to binging.  So this week I allowed some sweets.  I just made sure I counted it and recorded it on my online food log. Having sweets here and there keeps me from snarffing down a whole large bag of M&M’s at a weak moment.

Even though I am allowing small amount of sugar here and there, it still affects my blood sugar.  Not nearly as much as when a binge occurs, but it still affects me.

When I eat sugar, if not balanced out with a good amount of protein I get lethargic, groggy and some times very cranky.  Today I treated myself to 20 peanut M&M’s.  I was already worn from a long day at church and sure enough the sweet morsels had their effect on me.  Since I was already worn, I ended up passing out on the couch for an hour and a half and taking a deep Sunday nap.  Yes, I was tired to begin with, but the sugar rush sent me over the edge and knocked me out.

So what are your weaknesses?  Where do you splurge and how does it affect how you feel?  Please share!

Happy Week two, here we come!

Welcome to my Blog

Hi my name is Amber and I am a sugar addict.  I have been a sugar addict since my childhood and I am yearning to overcome this weakness that creates such turmoil in my life. 

I am a mom of two: a two year old girl and a seven month old boy.  I have found that since having my children, I am battling sugar more than ever.  I seem to be a hormonal rollercoaster, lacking sleep and wanting to eat when the babes are crying. 

I am married to a man who loves soda and chocolate.

Before getting married I controlled my sugar addiction by not keeping any sugar in the house. I ate treats and sweets when with friends, but I tried to keep it out of my daily life.  I still had struggles, but I was able to manage the urge to eat, by not having it there.  I like to bake, but I don’t do it much in fear of eating it.

My realization….  I gained 50 lbs. with my two pregnancies.  I would like to have more children, but I can’t imagine gaining more.  I am on a quest to overcome, so that when my husband and I are ready to add to our family I might be able to endure pregnancy and post-partum with out gaining another 50 lbs.  Of coarse that is just a surface issue.  I have a lot of deep roots with sugary goodness.  I have always enjoyed the temporary comfort it brings and I have developed scary addictive behavior in the past seven months since my son was born.  It is frightening  me. 

Over the weekend my extended family gathered at my grandmother’s house to celebrate Memorial Day.  I arrived late after a dinner at my in-laws.  I knew they would have sugary snacks there and I wanted to participate in some of the yummy goodness.  I socialized with family for a while before I retreated to the kitchen to find and devour some mint brownies my sister-in-law had made.  I am finding myself thinking about the food at gatherings, wanting and craving, and attending, just so I can eat it.  This seems like really unhealthy, erratic behavior.  It scares me and I am ready to address it and move forward.

A few days ago I ate a whole large bag of peanut M&M’s.  I started it on Monday and finished it off on Tuesday.  I have never done that and I know I did it out of emotional/hormonal eating.  Last night my husband wanted brownies and I caved like a mad woman.  I couldn’t wait to taste the sugary, chocolaty goodness on my palate.

To top off my sugar addiction I have Hypoglycemia (low blood sugar).  I was diagnosed 12 years ago and after my diagnosis I changed my diet and I lost 40lbs with out hardly any exercise and felt like a new person; energetic, happy and confident. I kept it off for a couple of years… then college got the best of me.  I was poor and ate a poor college student’s diet.  Pounds snuck on and my sugar addiction ebb and flowed. And here I am now, 50lbs beyond that gain.

I am here to be candid and I am here to journal my experience to a healthier life.  My intentions are not to give up sugar forever.  My intentions are to learn how to overcome the want and the need to eat sugar.  My intentions are to replace my bad habits with healthy habits.  My intentions are to teach my kids healthy habits too.

Come join me on my journey of learning, growing and overcoming!