I Am Back!!

Well, I am gearing to get this blog back up and rolling.  This is my lengthy explanation of where I have been and what I have been up to!

A couple months back I had to stop. Stop all of it.  Initially it was all of my internet time consuming task, but mostly this blog and my “health” goals.  What I was neglecting was my mental health.  I needed to walk away from my blog for a while to re-gain sanity. 

I had made hefty weight loss goals at the beginning of this year and I even joined two challenges that cost me big bucks to enter.  I stopped all of those things too, weighing myself, counting calories, obsessing over whether or not my body was weighing less.  I found I was getting angry with my body and I was feeling crazy with my load as a wife and a mother.  Not a healthy place to be if you ask me!!!

For my sanities sake, I had to stop it all.  I had to re-prioritize my life.  I have visited with my doctors and I am healthy in all physical aspects, other than I am overweight.  Since my mental health was going to pot, I just had to stop it all.  For one whole month I didn’t go to the gym and I didn’t fret over the food I ate.

I maintained my weight for the most part, up until the past week or so where I have seen a gain.  Sigh…

During my time “off” I mostly just took a step back and began breathing again.  I was struggling with anxiety and it was getting worst with my weight loss efforts.  I would stress over things I did not have control over like sickness, and the moods of my children.  I would cry and feel stressed if I couldn’t get to the gym.  It was at a point of I needed to make a change, and I really didn’t want to let go of my goals I had set, but something big had to budge or I was not going to “get better” mentally.

I worried that my anxiety was beyond my control.  I was to the point I had made an appointment with my doctor to talk about options and possible medications.  But due to my doctor being out of town and a job change with insurance not starting up right away,  my appointment was a month out.  I decided before I got into see my doctor I would do every thing I could to get mentally healthy before I went to see her. 

Normally I think most of us would benefit from exercise mentally.  But it was not working for me, it was bringing more stress, especially because all of my efforts felt in vain because I was not losing any weight.  I was feeling more stress about trying to get to the gym, than was good for my soul and my body!

Along with my break from the diet world, I saw a counselor to see if I could sort some things out. My hopes were that I could gain some tools to help me deal with my anxiety so I wouldn’t have to turn to a medication route.

The other change that took place was birth control, I ran out of my prescription for the pill and I wouldn’t be able to re-fill until I had my doctor appointment.  So I went off.  I suspected that the hormones in the pill were partial factor in my anxiety (which has been a struggle for me the whole year I was on the pill).  I started feeling better and better with each day without the pill.  The hormones were messing me up!

Here are some of the things I learned from my:

“break from weight loss”

-Yes, the birth control pill makes me more moody and anxious.  Not a good way to live!

-Going to therapy was helpful and I was able to gain a better perspective and helpful tools for coping.

-Not working out, was a blessing for this time being.  I needed it! Backwards I know!

-You have to put what is most important first, even if it means you have to give up something you want really bad (I had big dreams of being down 60 lbs by June! Not gunna happen!!)

-When I eat lots of sugar I am more moody and it also brings on the anxiety.  Dang, I wish sugar wasn’t a factor cause for some crazy reason I like the stuff!

-When I am not exercising and eating healthy I have a hard time getting to sleep, and a  harder time getting up in the morning.  I missed my deep sleep and the ability to fall asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow!

-But most importantly I have once again learned how important it is to Trust in the Lord!

So here I am, ready to start making healthy choices once again. I didn’t think my break was going to be as long as it was, but I am grateful to say that I am a healthier person today, even if I still am fat! :)  I can think clearly again, and I am not emotionally volatile, like I was becoming a few months back.  I have gained back a great sense of sanity and I don’t live in an anxious hole of worry.  I am very grateful.

I hope all of you are hanging in there!  Please do not forget to take care of your mental health as well as your physical health.  They go hand in hand and if one is lacking greatly, you can not win!

 Have a beautiful week!

Amber

On Leave....

I am taking leave.  Leave from my computer.  I have decided the best thing for me and my family is to walk away from my computer habits.  I spend too much time pinning on Pinterest, browsing Facebook and too many hours catching up on Google Reader.  I won’t even start with how much time I spend checking email and time on My Fitness Pal!!

I am not giving up on my weight loss.  I am hoping this helps me gain focus where it needs to be.  I don’t know how long my absence will be, but I just need to change some things up in my life.

I hope to return a healthier person, mentally and physically.

Take Care,

Amber

... There is good news too!

Okay since I vented on my last post I only though it is fare to tell you about the good things happening in my life today as well.

-After trying to sell my car for several months I have a buyer!  Yes we had to drop the price a couple of thousand dollars, but we have a buyer and we can replenish some money in our bank account!!  I am still crossing my fingers that it all goes through.  I love my car and it is hard to let it go.  I bought it brand new in 2006, we “upgraded” to a mini-van last September so it is time to say goodbye to my lovely little wagon!

-Since my husband became a CPA, we have been searching for a new job.  He has applied many places.  The past two week have been FILLED with interviews (around 10ish!!).  He is even on round three (the job is between him and another individual!) at a job he would really like.  Tomorrow is the big day for this final interview.  We have been hoping and praying this is the job for us and that it will be a significant pay increase (especially since he has never had a raise in all four year of our marriage, even when he did get his CPA!).  Please pray for us!

-I had a nice Valentines with the hubs.  We went to dinner then went dancing.  It was a fun evening filled with Lindy hop, ChaCha and Salsa!  My mom was so gracious to babysit for us, it was wonderful to get out and just be alone for a little while.

So there are some really great things in the works at our house.  I hope your week is going well!

Mommy Blues

Okay, vent session coming on…. Just trying to gain a better perspective of how I can accomplish my weight loss goals.

Right now my number one priority is to be a mom to my kids.  Each Sunday night as I lie in bed I get out a pad of paper and write down my goals for the next week.  Some times my list is full of “To Do’s”  other times it has great aspirations about calorie counting and future work outs.  It feels good to map out my week and slip into restful slumber.

Sometimes the restful slumber is awakened in the middle of the night by my children crying out, for one reason or another.  The most recent weeks have brought my teething 15 month old son, sad in painful tears throughout all hours.  My 2 ½ year old daughter has even contributed to the all night mommy parties.  Late last week she woke up at 2:30am, we brought her to our bed in hopes she would go back to sleep and we could get some rest.  3:15am it was apparent that she was not going to go back to sleep, so we trudged out to the living room so dad could get some rest.  She wanted to talk my ear off.  It is like her brain was processing so much and she was trying to process all she had taken in the previous day.  Sleep didn’t come until 5:30am, after her chatter, moving around getting into trouble I had had enough, I insisted she lie down and go to sleep.  After some fussing, she finally did fall asleep, and so did I.

So here I am exhausted day after day, just from my duties of being a mom/dealing with my children.  I did really well for many months at getting to the gym 4-5 times a week, the losing weight has been slow even on my best weeks with exercise and eating well, which is incredibly frustrating!!

I guess I am calling out to all moms who have been where I am at.  My intentions and goals are all well meaning in my weight loss, but honestly after getting sick two weeks ago I have really been struggling.  My daughter (who is behaviorally challenging) and my son (who is incredibly curious) take every ounce of energy I seem to have most days.  I aim high when I set my weekly goals and recently I am not able to follow through.  I am trying hard to not let it get to my head and get me even more discouraged.  What has worked for you?  How do you do the balancing act with young children?

Today I was determined to get to the gym. Our day started about 6:45am.  The gym childcare opens at 8:45am, closes between the hours of 1-4pm, then opens back up from 4-8pm.  My goal is to get there usually around 9:15.  My son was having a really rough morning, which halted all plans of leaving the house.  My sister-in-law called and asked if I could watch her youngest two kids while she took the older two to the dentist.  So that delayed any gym plans.  My son was still crabby and had I gone to they gym they would have called me out anyhow.  My sister-in-law offered to take my daughter to her house to play when she came to get her kids.  I was happy I would be getting a little break and she was happy to get to play with cousins.

I decided when I went to pick her up this afternoon I would hit the gym on my way back home when the childcare opened back up.  Since my daughter is used to going in the morning, the mix of changing things up and her being tired was the perfect recipe for disaster.  She cried and started throwing a fit before we even got out of the car.  My hopes were she would warm up and be happier once we got inside.  I should have just stopped there at the car door.  The trek across the parking lot and just getting into the door of the gym were filled with crying and screaming.  I had the attention of all the people working out, I even had two people get off their work out machine trying to come to the aid of my daughter when she threw herself in front of the door as it was swinging shut and she fell to the ground.  She tantrumed on the ground yelling, “Candy! Candy!”  I am sure the people were thinking, “Yes, and now we know how your mommy got fat!”

One of the gym workers who knows my children came over and helped us back to the kid room, the crying continued, now my son decided to join in.  I kneeled on the floor trying to compromise with my daughter to get happy and play.  It wasn’t working, not one bit.  My daughter just wasn’t going to calm down.  I decided we would get out of there before my son started back up.

As we were leaving the gym a man who I have never seen before ( I am normally a morning gym rat) said, “Time for her candy?”  I replied, “Oh no, no candy for her.  We were not here long enough for that.”  My daughter actually walked out the door as I held her brother.  Once we got outside the tantrum heated back up.  She wasn’t going to move a muscle.  I swooped her up with my other arm, trying to balance her brother and my two bags, I must have looked atrocious. This is my work out, every day.  Carrying children.  Some days that is all I can get.

So here I sit utterly exhausted reflecting, “How can I make goals that are reachable for this stage my children are in.” I know this time is only a season, but sometimes I want to have and do it all.  Realistically speaking, I can not. I am educated and should know how to deal with some of my situations with my daughter, for goodness sake I have degrees in special education and early childhood development!  Why can’t I balance it all??

I have a wonderful husband who is very helpful, but he can only do so much and recently he has had to work overtime so he has even more on his plate.

So here is the good news… (and possibly the bad news)

Tomorrow is a new day and I get to start fresh again!!

So mommas out there in blog land, how do you balance the juggling act?

Good News For The Winner In Me!

 ....side note, I have to quit blogging!  My baby has just woken up!...

I have some good news.  There are several sponsors for the local challenge I am doing. At the initial weigh in I entered a couple of drawings for free training and such. 

I received a call a couple days ago that I won a months worth of free training, gym membership or fitness classes.  I know this is a marketing thing to get business stirred up, but the cool thing is this business is the business of my former trainer (Johnny’s Fit Club Fitness) where I won the challenge four years ago.  A few months after our challenge Johnny, my trainer started this business.

So the short of it all, is I chose the free month of training.  And my former trainer Johnny is going to train me again!!  Our first session is next Tuesday! 

Yeah I am excited to have someone to push my butt again!!

My Christmas Gift!! Polar FT4 HRM

My Christmas gift arrived last week and I have been thrilled with it!

I got a Polar FT4 Heart Rate Monitor.  I have loved seeing what I am burning while working out.  It has been especially motivating while working out at home while my little #2 naps.

My goal is to burn more with each 45 minute work out.  I know this isn’t exactly going to happen when I am doing my weight training and toning sessions, but it is still nice to have a way to challenge myself.

Happy Moving!

Tagged, and you are it!

I have been tagged.  And I started writing this up several days ago and for the life of me, I can’t remember who tagged me!  I am sorry for not crediting you!! It can be a challenge just to keep up with all of you awesome blogs!

Here were my 11 questions

1. Do you have a favorite quote or saying, if so please share.

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not to thine own understanding” Proverbs 3:5-6  Words to live by.

2.        Do you know your blood type?

I think I am A+, I am not completely sure though.

3.        Have you ever been in a fist fight?

No fist fights for me.

4.        If you could meet any living person who would it be & why?

Dieter F. Uchdorf, he is an apostle of God and an awesome example.  I would love to spend lunch together just chatting.

Here is a link to one of his recent talks: Forget Me Not

5.        If  you won $500, what would you buy for yourself?

I would buy an Ipad to see what all the hype is about.

6.        What is the worst gift you ever got at Christmas?

I think when I was 14 I got an old fanny pack with dirty used socks.  A gift from my step-brother.  We weren’t exactly great friends.  The gift almost made me cry.  {I dreamt about this, after writing this post initially, annoying!}

7.        What is your best feature?

My smile, I really need to change my profile picture.  I think I choose it, because it doesn’t really look like me, I have a fake smile in that picture!

8.        When was the last time you cried?

This morning.  Stressful morning mixed with hormones.

9.        When was the last time you made someone else cry?

About an hour ago I made my 2 year old cry because she wanted to wear her bead necklaces to bed, and I took them away.  We had two near choking accidents today with her (vacuum cord around the neck four times while dancing and sticking a quarter in her mouth with running around).  So yeah, she is making me a little paranoid and crazy today!!

10.     Where would you love to take a vacation?

I would love to visit Hawaii again.  I lived there when I was 18-19 years old and I haven’t been back since.  I would love to see the Big Island and Maui, two places I have not been and show the hubs all the places I visited when I lived there (on Oahu).

11.     Please share one interesting fact that you think people would be surprised to know.

I have two degrees in education (elementary education and early childhood special education) I used to teach special ed preschool.  I quit teaching to be an at home mom.  People ask me all the time if I miss teaching. 

Nope, not At All!!  I love being at home with my kids and teaching them, the most rewarding job ever!!!  Even if I think I am going to go crazy with my active little monsters!

11 Random Things about Amber

1- I love maps.  I like to study them and dream of vacations and road trips.  When I am on road trips I like to have the map out and see how far I have gone and how far we will be going. I am old school, no GPS for me (at the moment).

2- I was a nanny for many families.  I nannied on the east coast (D.C.), west coast (PaloAlto, CA), Hawaii and Idaho.  I paid for all of my college by being a nanny.

3-  When I first met my husband, I could not stand him.  He drove me crazy.  When we went on our first date I couldn’t believe that we actually had so much in common that I needed to check this guy out more!

4-  I almost drowned once while kayaking the Salmon river.  Everything turned out okay, but I was pretty scared.

5- Since becoming a wife and mother (and gaining 60+ lbs) I have had a hard time finding my new identity.

6- I like rocks. Small pebbles, big boulders.  I just like rocks.  I like to climb them, and collect them although it has been a long time since I have picked up any rocks.  I think I need to get out side more!

7- I love to garden, up until it gets really hot out in the summer.  Then the garden always suffers L

8- I used to be an avid biker (cyclist).  My favorite brand of bikes are Cannondales.  I currently have a Trek road bike and an Electra cruiser.  I hope to start biking again now that my kids are a little bigger and fit a little better in the bike trailer.

9- My parents are divorced and my mom remarried our blended family totaled 11 kids.  We lived in a 3 bedroom house for a couple years, all the kids shared one bathroom.  Talk about crazy times.

10- I worked at Taco Bell at a teenager and had never really eaten there before I started working there.

11- Chocolate Chip cookies are me weakness!

Here are the rules:
1. Post these rules.
2. You must post 11 random things yourself.
3. Answer the questions the tag­ger set for you in their post.
4. Create 11 new ques­tions for the peo­ple you tag to answer.
5. Go to their blog and tell them that you've tagged them.

6. No stuff in the tag­ging sec­tion about ‘you are tagged if you are read­ing this.’ blah blah blah, you actually have to tag 11 peeps!

I am breaking the rules…. If you have not been tagged yet, consider yourself tagged, I would love to learn more about you!  There you are!

Here are your questions…

1-    What is something you are proud of accomplishing?

2-    Where is the furthest place you have visited from “home”?

3-    What is one thing you want to accomplish by summer?

4-    What is your favorite way to exercise?

5-    Do you have a hobby that defines you? If so, what?

6-    Have you had any encounters with a famous person?

7-    Where is the last place you drove your car to, besides home or work?

8-    What personality trait do you seek to have?

9-     What is the best day of the week, why?

10.When is the last time you went for a walk, just to enjoy the scenery?

11- What was your favorite childhood toy or activity?

Credit

Have a Great Day!!!

Two days into 2012!

Two days down.  Here I am wrapping up the 2^nd day of 2012.  I would call it a success.  My main goal for January is to go with out sweets for the month.  So far I have resisted cookies, fruit snacks, Breyers chocolate Oreo ice cream, and a multitude of left over Christmas sweets.  My husband is taking all of the goodies to work to clear out the pantry and I am happy to have it gone.

I haven’t gotten back into the habit of drinking enough water.  For some reason over Christmas I got out of my good water drinking habit.  It is time to get back in gear.  I was close to my goal today, but I have some room to improve.

The hubs and I got to the gym today. It was nice.  It really felt great to be moving again after taking several weeks off.  Even though it felt great, I was exhausted.  I sat down to do some reading and I was out cold for an hour.  The nap was nice though.  I don’t get to take naps often, so it was a nice bonus of having my husband home for the day.

Happy 2012ing!!

Chocolate Fest and a Sleep Number Bed

Over the weekend the hubs, kids and I all went to the in-laws for a little staycation.  They have a spare sleep number bed that we wanted to try out to see if it would help us get better sleep.  I spent several weeks, several years ago at a friend’s that had a sleep number bed and all I remember is being uncomfortable and rolling onto my friends side of the bed, due to different number preferences.  Not the best rest. I found the same this time around.

We stayed at the in-laws for three nights.  First night: lots of waking up and adjusting the number.  Second night: not too bad, slept well but was probably so tired from my lack of rest the first night.  Third night: uncomfortable and sore.  I felt just like I had woken up in my own bed.

We decided not to make the switch, at least not for now.  There is no reason to change  out one bed that you wake up achy in, to another bed that leaves you achy.  We were going to buy a memory foam bed a month or so ago, but instead we had a different impulse buy, which drained our funds… a mini-van.  Yeah, now I am a mini-van mom. 

While staying with the in-laws I went crazy on chocolate.  My mother-in-law has got junk food all over the place and I took the Liberty to help myself.  She even has a fridge in the garage full of chocolate.  I have never opened it though!  When ever I am at their house I am weak, so many temptations.

I made sure I chugged a ton of water while inhaling the cocoa.  Before I got to their place I was bloated, and the whole stay I was even more bloated!  I could hardly stand to keep my jeans buttoned up! I gained a like four pounds over the weekend (so much for my loss!).  Thank goodness the scales are declining again.  I will be lucky if I actually have a loss this week, we will see once Saturday rolls around. Yikes!

So back to life on the home front.  Things are busy between the kids and church, but I will continue to move forward.

I have tried to comment on several blogs and I am not able to again.  I have no idea why.  Just know I am out there reading several of your blogs.  Keep on trekking along!

Rambling Battles in my Head

I have wanted to get back into running for a long time.  I used to run, or should I say jog 5k’s several times a week.  I did this for several years.  Since having my two little ones, I have not been able to run with out pain in my neck, shoulders and back.  This is a pain I have had for several years, but it is getting progressively worst, even with help of a chiropractor. Kind of driving me crazy!

I started back to a chiropractor six months ago and I have seen improvement, but every time I run my neck gets all messed up, almost to the point of screaming pain.  Tomorrow I have another appointment and I am tempted to go running right before just so I can get another run in, then get adjusted.  But the best thing would be to find something else to challenge myself to enjoy.  I have tried the elliptical, it is alright but my heart is just not there.  I get bored.  Even with my ipod and a magazine.  I do like cycling, but not so much on a stationary bike.  For what ever reason, that irritates my neck as well.  

I feel at odds.  I feel like when I run, I really can drop pounds.  I have minimized my running the past couple months, so I wouldn’t be in such pain and the scale is much slower.  I like the challenge of running.  It isn’t easy for me and my heart rate gets up real quick.  I like to see how far, and how fast I can go in 45 minutes. But my pain in the neck is just that, a PAIN in the neck!  So, now I am on a quest to find my new favorite challenge. 

Enough of the whining.  Moving forward.

What really gives you an awesome burn?? Please do share.

(something that doesn’t involve running or jumping)