I Am Back!!

Well, I am gearing to get this blog back up and rolling.  This is my lengthy explanation of where I have been and what I have been up to!

A couple months back I had to stop. Stop all of it.  Initially it was all of my internet time consuming task, but mostly this blog and my “health” goals.  What I was neglecting was my mental health.  I needed to walk away from my blog for a while to re-gain sanity. 

I had made hefty weight loss goals at the beginning of this year and I even joined two challenges that cost me big bucks to enter.  I stopped all of those things too, weighing myself, counting calories, obsessing over whether or not my body was weighing less.  I found I was getting angry with my body and I was feeling crazy with my load as a wife and a mother.  Not a healthy place to be if you ask me!!!

For my sanities sake, I had to stop it all.  I had to re-prioritize my life.  I have visited with my doctors and I am healthy in all physical aspects, other than I am overweight.  Since my mental health was going to pot, I just had to stop it all.  For one whole month I didn’t go to the gym and I didn’t fret over the food I ate.

I maintained my weight for the most part, up until the past week or so where I have seen a gain.  Sigh…

During my time “off” I mostly just took a step back and began breathing again.  I was struggling with anxiety and it was getting worst with my weight loss efforts.  I would stress over things I did not have control over like sickness, and the moods of my children.  I would cry and feel stressed if I couldn’t get to the gym.  It was at a point of I needed to make a change, and I really didn’t want to let go of my goals I had set, but something big had to budge or I was not going to “get better” mentally.

I worried that my anxiety was beyond my control.  I was to the point I had made an appointment with my doctor to talk about options and possible medications.  But due to my doctor being out of town and a job change with insurance not starting up right away,  my appointment was a month out.  I decided before I got into see my doctor I would do every thing I could to get mentally healthy before I went to see her. 

Normally I think most of us would benefit from exercise mentally.  But it was not working for me, it was bringing more stress, especially because all of my efforts felt in vain because I was not losing any weight.  I was feeling more stress about trying to get to the gym, than was good for my soul and my body!

Along with my break from the diet world, I saw a counselor to see if I could sort some things out. My hopes were that I could gain some tools to help me deal with my anxiety so I wouldn’t have to turn to a medication route.

The other change that took place was birth control, I ran out of my prescription for the pill and I wouldn’t be able to re-fill until I had my doctor appointment.  So I went off.  I suspected that the hormones in the pill were partial factor in my anxiety (which has been a struggle for me the whole year I was on the pill).  I started feeling better and better with each day without the pill.  The hormones were messing me up!

Here are some of the things I learned from my:

“break from weight loss”

-Yes, the birth control pill makes me more moody and anxious.  Not a good way to live!

-Going to therapy was helpful and I was able to gain a better perspective and helpful tools for coping.

-Not working out, was a blessing for this time being.  I needed it! Backwards I know!

-You have to put what is most important first, even if it means you have to give up something you want really bad (I had big dreams of being down 60 lbs by June! Not gunna happen!!)

-When I eat lots of sugar I am more moody and it also brings on the anxiety.  Dang, I wish sugar wasn’t a factor cause for some crazy reason I like the stuff!

-When I am not exercising and eating healthy I have a hard time getting to sleep, and a  harder time getting up in the morning.  I missed my deep sleep and the ability to fall asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow!

-But most importantly I have once again learned how important it is to Trust in the Lord!

So here I am, ready to start making healthy choices once again. I didn’t think my break was going to be as long as it was, but I am grateful to say that I am a healthier person today, even if I still am fat! :)  I can think clearly again, and I am not emotionally volatile, like I was becoming a few months back.  I have gained back a great sense of sanity and I don’t live in an anxious hole of worry.  I am very grateful.

I hope all of you are hanging in there!  Please do not forget to take care of your mental health as well as your physical health.  They go hand in hand and if one is lacking greatly, you can not win!

 Have a beautiful week!

Amber

On Leave....

I am taking leave.  Leave from my computer.  I have decided the best thing for me and my family is to walk away from my computer habits.  I spend too much time pinning on Pinterest, browsing Facebook and too many hours catching up on Google Reader.  I won’t even start with how much time I spend checking email and time on My Fitness Pal!!

I am not giving up on my weight loss.  I am hoping this helps me gain focus where it needs to be.  I don’t know how long my absence will be, but I just need to change some things up in my life.

I hope to return a healthier person, mentally and physically.

Take Care,

Amber

Mommy Blues

Okay, vent session coming on…. Just trying to gain a better perspective of how I can accomplish my weight loss goals.

Right now my number one priority is to be a mom to my kids.  Each Sunday night as I lie in bed I get out a pad of paper and write down my goals for the next week.  Some times my list is full of “To Do’s”  other times it has great aspirations about calorie counting and future work outs.  It feels good to map out my week and slip into restful slumber.

Sometimes the restful slumber is awakened in the middle of the night by my children crying out, for one reason or another.  The most recent weeks have brought my teething 15 month old son, sad in painful tears throughout all hours.  My 2 ½ year old daughter has even contributed to the all night mommy parties.  Late last week she woke up at 2:30am, we brought her to our bed in hopes she would go back to sleep and we could get some rest.  3:15am it was apparent that she was not going to go back to sleep, so we trudged out to the living room so dad could get some rest.  She wanted to talk my ear off.  It is like her brain was processing so much and she was trying to process all she had taken in the previous day.  Sleep didn’t come until 5:30am, after her chatter, moving around getting into trouble I had had enough, I insisted she lie down and go to sleep.  After some fussing, she finally did fall asleep, and so did I.

So here I am exhausted day after day, just from my duties of being a mom/dealing with my children.  I did really well for many months at getting to the gym 4-5 times a week, the losing weight has been slow even on my best weeks with exercise and eating well, which is incredibly frustrating!!

I guess I am calling out to all moms who have been where I am at.  My intentions and goals are all well meaning in my weight loss, but honestly after getting sick two weeks ago I have really been struggling.  My daughter (who is behaviorally challenging) and my son (who is incredibly curious) take every ounce of energy I seem to have most days.  I aim high when I set my weekly goals and recently I am not able to follow through.  I am trying hard to not let it get to my head and get me even more discouraged.  What has worked for you?  How do you do the balancing act with young children?

Today I was determined to get to the gym. Our day started about 6:45am.  The gym childcare opens at 8:45am, closes between the hours of 1-4pm, then opens back up from 4-8pm.  My goal is to get there usually around 9:15.  My son was having a really rough morning, which halted all plans of leaving the house.  My sister-in-law called and asked if I could watch her youngest two kids while she took the older two to the dentist.  So that delayed any gym plans.  My son was still crabby and had I gone to they gym they would have called me out anyhow.  My sister-in-law offered to take my daughter to her house to play when she came to get her kids.  I was happy I would be getting a little break and she was happy to get to play with cousins.

I decided when I went to pick her up this afternoon I would hit the gym on my way back home when the childcare opened back up.  Since my daughter is used to going in the morning, the mix of changing things up and her being tired was the perfect recipe for disaster.  She cried and started throwing a fit before we even got out of the car.  My hopes were she would warm up and be happier once we got inside.  I should have just stopped there at the car door.  The trek across the parking lot and just getting into the door of the gym were filled with crying and screaming.  I had the attention of all the people working out, I even had two people get off their work out machine trying to come to the aid of my daughter when she threw herself in front of the door as it was swinging shut and she fell to the ground.  She tantrumed on the ground yelling, “Candy! Candy!”  I am sure the people were thinking, “Yes, and now we know how your mommy got fat!”

One of the gym workers who knows my children came over and helped us back to the kid room, the crying continued, now my son decided to join in.  I kneeled on the floor trying to compromise with my daughter to get happy and play.  It wasn’t working, not one bit.  My daughter just wasn’t going to calm down.  I decided we would get out of there before my son started back up.

As we were leaving the gym a man who I have never seen before ( I am normally a morning gym rat) said, “Time for her candy?”  I replied, “Oh no, no candy for her.  We were not here long enough for that.”  My daughter actually walked out the door as I held her brother.  Once we got outside the tantrum heated back up.  She wasn’t going to move a muscle.  I swooped her up with my other arm, trying to balance her brother and my two bags, I must have looked atrocious. This is my work out, every day.  Carrying children.  Some days that is all I can get.

So here I sit utterly exhausted reflecting, “How can I make goals that are reachable for this stage my children are in.” I know this time is only a season, but sometimes I want to have and do it all.  Realistically speaking, I can not. I am educated and should know how to deal with some of my situations with my daughter, for goodness sake I have degrees in special education and early childhood development!  Why can’t I balance it all??

I have a wonderful husband who is very helpful, but he can only do so much and recently he has had to work overtime so he has even more on his plate.

So here is the good news… (and possibly the bad news)

Tomorrow is a new day and I get to start fresh again!!

So mommas out there in blog land, how do you balance the juggling act?

Challenge for $$ Reflections

I am debating about joining a local weight loss challenge.  It begins this Saturday and goes through June 8^th (my wedding anniversary!).  The first place prize is $3000.  If I could drop my sugar habit for six months, it is possible I could win this challenge.  I am a winner you know???!!!

Four years ago I joined a fitness challenge at my gym.  I was determined, I was motivated.  It was a six week challenge and was measured by the greatest amount of fat percentage lost.  There were only 8 people who participated, but I did have tough competition.  I don’t remember all the details and numbers, but I do remember only loosing around 5lbs.  But I lost 10% of my body fat and won the challenge!  It was a great boost in my roller coaster of adventure. Here are my before and after pictures from the challenge.

I have always wanted to be trim and fit and have taken great efforts to do so.  It has always been a challenge to keep my weight at bay, but since I have had kids, it has been even more difficult.  The body I once cursed and felt like it was oh, so large, I would love to return to today.  Perspective!

So if I join this challenge.  I would like to return to the 150lb beauty, I was four years ago. 

I am a numbers person.  I looked up the past two years winners of this challenge and one lost 30% of her body weight and the other lost 26%.

For me to drop 30% I would be at my ideal weight of 140lbs.  Can I get it accomplished  by June 8^th?  It is possible, but being a mom now, can I do it???  I know I can do it, I am just not sure how the road there will look exactly.  Dropping everything and going to the gym doesn’t exactly work with two toddlers who need a lot of attention from mom.  Even when I plan it into our day, things come up (teething, sickness, need of a nap or just plain cranky! All of which seem to happen a lot in my life!).

Oh decisions, decisions!  Maybe if I could make a goal of what I would do with the $3000.  The possibilities are endless.  A new camera housing for my 50mm Nikor lens.  A cruise vacation with the hubs to Alaska.  A nice little nest egg for the kid’s savings accounts.  Or maybe a special trip shopping and to the spa, ahh... a day of relaxation. 

I have almost talked myself into the challenge.  We will see what happens between now and Saturday.  It costs $50.00, so for me if I drop the money on the table I will need to commit to make it worth it.  Of coarse I aim to win if I join, but I do know that the ultimate winnings are a healthier, leaner more in shape body!  If I can get my sugar habits under control this is very possible!!!

Any advice or words or encouragement are welcomed!

Happy 2012ing!

Been absent, but still here.

I am still here.  I haven’t opened up this blog, my email or read any of yours for almost two weeks,.  I am holding strong and maintaining my weight.  This morning pre-Thanksgiving feasting I was at 185.1.  We will see how things pan out on my weigh in day Saturday.

My kids have been sick with runny noses, coughs and an ear infection.  I haven’t been able to go to the gym for a couple weeks and really my priority has been just the care of my kids.  We have been hovering at home for the most part, with a few walks here and there.

I didn’t update for the Christmas Dress Challenge last weekend, so I guess I am out.  I haven’t really put it as a priority in my life right now.  I was excited to have a challenge to keep me going, but my kids have been sick it seems like all fall, and now winter is about here and we are still fighting buggy germs.  I have also been fighting off a stuffy  head, sore throat and runny nose as well.  I have been downing the Coldcalm and Zicam like there is no tomorrow.  It hasn’t gotten worst, so maybe it is working.

Even though I am dropping out the Challenge, I am not giving up.  I am hoping to get back on track soon and really hoping that my kids starting getting well enough that I can start taking them back to the gym with me.

This post is full of randomness.  Today is Thanksgiving and I am so very grateful for all of the many blessings in my life.  I have a wonderful family and I feel so grateful to have most of them near enough to gather for holidays like today.  Although we have been battling germs on the home front I am so thankful for me and my family’s health.  Despite the crankiness we have all had over the past month or so, overall we are healthy.  Yeah, I am still in the overweight category, but when I have gone to the doctor all other things check out to be healthy.

I am grateful for my husband’s job.  He doesn’t particularly like his job, but he has stuck it out for 5+ years.  We are on hot pursuit for a new job, and he actually has his first interview next Friday!!  We are not too excited that the job is 2 hours away from where we live now, but if every thing comes together we will move our family to this little po-dunk town, which feels like it is in the middle of nowhere.  I just want my husband to be in a job where he is happy and feels valued by his skills. If moving is what we need to do, it is what we will do.

I am so grateful to be a mom.  My kids are active and keep me on my toes, but they are fun.  My 2 ½ year old daughter is starting to get stronger language skills and this has helped so much in communicating what she wants.  My one year old is full of smiles and laughs (when he isn’t feeling lousy with an ear ache!).  He just brings me so much joy!  I feel blessed to be able to be at home with them.  We make sacrifices where needed and make it work. Being a mom is awesome.

I am grateful for a warm home and modern technology, it just makes life really great!

PS—My sister who has struggled with her weight all of her adult life, has been working hard at losing weight.  She has been on the journey for over a year now and this week she hit the 100 lb pound mark, 101 lbs to be exact!!  I am so proud of her, and she actually weighs less than me now (she is 7 inches taller than me!!! I am the short runt of the family of tall people).  I think that is a pretty awesome accomplishment.

Have a safe Black Friday, for all of those who dare go out shopping.  I may run to a store, but no early crazy shopping for me this year!

Christmas Dress Countdown Challenge: Week 9

Initial: 189

Week 1: 187.3 (-1.7)

Week 2: 186.9 (-.4)

Week 3: 185.0 (-1.9)

Week 4: 187.3 (+2.3)

Week 5: 186.5 (-.08)

Week 6: 185.5 (-1)

Week 7: 186.5 (+1)

Week 8: 186.5 (0)

Week9: 185.5 (-1)

This week was yet again another roller coaster week.  My sweet son had his first birthday, and both of my kids have been struggling with illness (some stomach flu and colds).  I only made it to the gym once.  It is frustrating to want and have the desire to work out and have things get in the way of it.  I have accepted that this is life and things will stand in the way.  Working out at home just hasn’t been going well with my kids on edge.  I am aiming for this next week to be a better week, with high hopes that the kids will be well again.

I had way too many sweets again this week.  Why must I be so weak!  I did better the later part of the week, but I am hoping next week will be even better.

What is your best defense to your weaknesses?

Getting Specific...

When I created this blog I thought I would use if for reflection and as a tool for me to overcome my love of sugar.  I haven’t done much of that, but decided to do a little reflectingo today.  Please bear with me.

Since life is busy with two little ones at home I have blogged at a minimum this summer.  I was so happy to find the Slimmer this Summer Challenge.  So my blogging for the most part has just been my weekly check in for the challenge.

Some days I have little conversations with myself, like today for instance.  I saw a picture of me from the 4^th of July and I still cringe.  Even though I am losing weight, I still to me feel like I have such a long way to go.  My highest ever prior to children was 170lbs.  I worked really hard to stay down in the 150-160 range.  I always wanted to be around 130-140, no matter how hard I tried I have had difficulty return below 150.  Right now I am at 188 and it still feels so far away.  Enough of the pity party…. Moving on.

Like I have a dozen times (and probably will a few dozen more).  I have decided to buckle down even more.  I have goals and rewards for each ten pounds lost, but I decided I need to be even more specific. I was a special education teacher, prior to becoming a stay at home mom.  Something that I dealt with on a daily basis was goals.  It was drilled in my brain over and over how to write a “proper” goal.  It must be specific, measureable, attainable, action oriented, result oriented, and given a time frame.  Some people use the acronym SMAART.  But in the classroom our goals looked more like this:

IEP Goal/Objective Example:

From a baseline of  ___, the student will....

• perform a specific skill
• a specified number of times
• under specified conditions
• at a specified level of achievement
• for a specific length of time.

So how does that apply on my weigh loss journey today??? That is what I am trying to figure out.  I knew going into this summer challenge that losing 2lbs a week was attainable, but given my love of sweet things, and how I choose to conduct myself, it really isn’t happening.  An average of a pound a week is really more realistic with my sweet lifestyle.

So I turned to the numbers (Why does my brain have to be obsessed about numbers???).  I will be 34 years old in the first week of March.  That is 29 weeks from now.  Somewhere in my head I got the idea of getting down to 134lbs by my 34^th Birthday.  So as of today I would need to lose 54lbs in 29 weeks. 1.86lbs a week, so basically 2lbs a week.

Since the beginning of this challenge I have only lost 13lbs in 10 weeks.  So my average is running at 1.3lbs a week.  If I continue at this rate I will have lost 37.7lbs by my Birthday week.  Heck lets round it up to 38lbs, to make it a round 150lbs.  That would be great still, but not my 134 by 34.

I know I can lose an average of 2lbs a week, I just would have to give up sweets, or at least some sweets.  If any of you have ever glanced at my food diary at MFP, you will notice I have not given up all things sweet like many of you.  I eat something of a sweet nature every day. I know if I gave up even half of my sweets I would lose more rapidly.  For goodness sake.  I workout 5-6 times a week for 40-60 minutes.  I do this so I can eat sweets and still lose at a slow rate.  Hence my addiction to sugary goodness.

So here I am brainstorming at to how committed I am to getting down to 134 by 34.  Cutting back on all things sweet, is the key to kick things into gear.  I hesitate for two reasons.  1. I have done it before and I do lose more quickly.  When I go back to eating sweet things I gain so fast it isn’t even funny. Right now in my life I am not willing to give it up for good.  2.  I love sugary goodness!

My thoughts were to keep sweet things here and there and work hard on my workouts and lose at a slow pace.  I was hoping the slow pace would be closer to 2lbs a week.  So here I go again.  I am going to re-commit.  I am going to write a specific, measureable goal in hopes that I can pin this one!

Here we go:

By March 6^th 2012 I will weigh 134lbs.  This will be achieved by tracking my calories and carbs on MFP aiming for 1500 calories and under 165 grams of carbohydrates/day taking into account my fiber adjustments and eating my exercise calories if I choose to do so.  I will also work out 5 times a week for 40-60 minutes each session.  I will also be able to run a 10 minute mile with ease.

Benchmarks:

Lose 18lbs by Halloween: 170lbs

Lose 33lbs by Christmas: 155lbs

Lose 54lbs by Birthday: 134lbs

I guess I already did this when I wrote my original goals on my sidebar.  I just needed to add dates to clarify my vision.

I feel like I need to add something about sugar, but I am not sure what I am willing to commit to at this point.  I am thinking about going strict no sugary sweets every other week.  Maybe that will trick my system and I will be able to enjoy sweets occasionally and boost my weight loss.  I think I will give it a try and reevaluate in a month or so.

So feedback time:

How have you given up your favorite things/habits/addictions?  What works for you?

Thanks for being so awesome and supportive!

Week 7: Slimmer This Summer

My goals:

-Journal my meals

-Be under 165g of Carbohydrates/day (with fiber adjustment)

-Exercise 5 times a week for 45-60 minutes

-10 glasses of water a day

-Run/walk a 5K in under 40 minutes GOAL MET!

-Build a support network

-lose an average of 2 lbs/week, 24lbs total

Beginning Weight: 201.3

Week 1: 198.6 (-2.7)

Week 2: 198.6 (0) No change

Week 3: 196.9 (-1.7) Total loss 4.4 lbs

Week 4: 193.9 (-3) Total loss 7.4

Week 5: 193.2 (-.5) Total loss 8.1   

Week 6: 193.3 (+.1) Total loss 8.0   

Week 7: 190.3 (-3) Total loss 11.0

(19.7 loss since I began my journey in January)

Before I go on any further I need to add a personal update.  Yesterday my husband got very sick with vertigo (first time he has ever had it).  He was throwing up so violently that his whole body lurched all over.  He took his first ambulance ride, which led to an ER visit, which then led him to being admitted in the hospital.  We are hoping it is an inner ear problem that will clear its self up over a few days, not greater issues.

So the short is, things are a bit thrown off right now.  I was not able to weigh myself, or measure.  I posted the last weight I remember from a few days ago.  I was really looking forward to weighing myself this morning, due to my next reward (a pedicure)coming when I hit 189.

Given the circumstances, I need to focus on getting the hubs better and home.  I did however prepare most of this post yesterday before things went out of control.

I did good this week.  I stayed with in my goals for my carb count with the fiber adjustment.  I am going to try to continue to be good, but with hospital/fast food plus not being able to get in good workouts, we will see how things work out.

I am going to try to get in a walk while my hubs is resting.  That may be the extent of my exercising this week.

Daily Carb Count:

(out of 165g carbs with adjusted fiber intake)

Monday: 150carbs –fiber adjustment -35 115carbs (60 under)

Tuesday:163carbs –fiber adjustment -22 141carbs (24 under)

Wednesday:138carbs –fiber adjustment -30 108carbs (57under)

Thursday: 146carbs –fiber adjustment -41 105carbs(60 under)

Friday: 178carbs –fiber adjustment -48 130 (35 under)

Saturday: 189carbs –fiber adjustment -35 154 (11 under)

Sunday: 134carbs –fiber adjustment -43 91 (74  under)

To view my food diary, visit myfitnesspal.com. 

Profile name: ambreee

Exercise:

I did most of my exercising at home this week.  My kids have had a bug of some sort so we spent the whole week at home.  I did however get all of my workouts in still, six total!!  I love being 100% on one of my goals for this summer challenge.  I hope I can keep it up somehow!

Water Intake:

Did good on water.  I was a little low on Saturday and I woke up feeling totally dehydrated.  It is amazing how your body adjusts to the extra water intake and really seeks more liquid when you fall behind.  I am still working on getting re-hydrated.  Sitting in the ER for 5 hours didn’t help!

Measurements:

No measurements today.  I hope to get them in sometime, it just isn’t a priority right now.

For all of you out there who wouldn’t mind. I would appreciate prayers in my husbands behalf, that he will soon recover so we will be able to return home to our babies!!

Thank you!

My Weight Roller Coaster: The Past Three Years

I weighed myself on Thursday and I was 194, I could hardly believe it.  I was also starting my period so I expected the scale to start climbing.  I was just 196 on Monday.  I weighed again today and I am still 194.  I am hoping it isn’t a flaw.  I am not sure why I feel like this is such a milestone.  I still have a really long way to go.  But for some reason this gives me a glimmer of hope.

I am watching what I eat (especially how many carbs) and I am exercising at least five times a week, sometimes more.  I am allowing myself to have treats now and then, but I am trying to eat with moderation.

When I started my weight loss journey in January I weighed 210, my all time high (with the exception of pregnancy, which I got to 213).  I started a weight loss challenge on the first of June.  My start weight for the challenge was 201, and so at that point I had lost 9 lbs in 6 months.  I have been exercising, but I have had a terrible time changing my eating habits.  I also was still dealing with a lot of postpartum depression issues. 

When my two little ones, under two would start crying I would feel stress, and to relieve my stress I would snack.  There happen to be a lot of crying around my house with my babies and so I happen to be doing a lot of snacking.  Even with all of the exercise I was getting no where.  Well, not exactly no where.  But I was not seeing weight loss, and that is what I really wanted to see.

I have battled my weight all my life.  I have had to be a conscious eater, to maintain at around 155-160.  My two pregnancies threw me for a loop. The first one, I was very sick.  Talk about starvation mode.  I gained ten pounds the first month from crazy hormonal imbalance and by the time I was six months pregnant I lost over 25lbs (I was at 145lbs).  I threw up daily and around the fourth month for three weeks I kept NOTHING down.  I was to the point of getting IV’s, once from the ER and a couple others outpatient. I felt depleted and depressed.

Eventually after working with a naturopath I was able to take some enzymes that helped me digest food again.  I felt like it saved my life and my pregnancy.  Even though my heath wasn’t at jeopardy, I felt like I was dying.  It was hard to be sick.  I continued to throw up, I even threw up on the delivery table but at least I was able to eat and the throwing up wasn’t every day towards the end of my pregnancy.

I was able to gain, and the day prior to delivery I was a ripe 200lbs.  I can honestly say, the last month was my best month!  I finally felt semi-good.  I was so happy to eat again that I really packed on the weight quickly.

My second pregnancy wasn’t nearly as traumatic.  THANK GOODNESS!  I was nauseous and did throw up every few days the first six months or so, but I was at least able to function and not starve.  Even though it was much better, I still nearly always felt sick.  I only gained a total of 13 lbs the whole pregnancy.  I started at 200 and ended at 213.  And leaving the hospital I think I only lost eight pounds. I gave birth six weeks early when my water broke prematurely, my son weighed just under five pounds. I stayed in the hospital a total of a week (five days before the birth and two after).  I must have put on some poundage with all of the hospital food because when I got home I weighed 205.  Don’t people loose more when they have a baby????

 It didn’t take long to climb back up to 210 with my baby in the NICU for 3 ½ weeks and the holidays comforting me through post partum depression.  So in January I decided to buckle down.  Even though it has taken me seven months to lose 16 pounds, I am grateful I am losing something.  The Slimmer this Summer challenge has been so great for me. 

This morning I realized my sports bra (yeah, I only have one that fits right now) was in the washer and I didn’t have enough time to dry it before I headed to the gym, so I wasn’t able to run.  I challenged myself to get in two runs by weeks end.  I guess I will be heading to the gym again tomorrow!

As I was in a frantic rush this morning digging through my out grown boxed clothing searching for an old sports bra, I came across a pair of jeans I had forgotten I bought.  I  purchased them after having baby #1 with out trying them on and turns out they didn’t fit, so I never wore them and they got tucked away.  I pulled them out and tried them on after my work out. 

I didn’t expect them to fit, but I was able to get them on, and buttoned up.  A little tight, but here in a few weeks they should fit great.  So I am down a pant size!  Yeah!!!  Just got to keep working on this muffin top!  I can’t wait until they are starting to droop off of me like my other pants are.

So this post is random, but it is a peek into my wild ride of weight loss.

What A Way To Start Week 2....

Summer is in full swing, and so are the moods of my kids.

To put it in the simplest terms, today was exhausting.  I didn’t make the best choice for breakfast, and my bad choice left me exhausted and moody the remainder of the day. 

I ate one graham cracker, 2Tbs of peanut butter and a banana.  I knew it wasn’t the best choice, but I didn’t think it was a terrible choice.  After I plugged the food into my log on myfitnesspal.com, I had already exceeded the daily recommended amount of sugar with those three items.  I was shocked.

Today and yesterday I have had a terrible time getting my blood sugar in a normal range.  It has been dipping low and I am tired and hungry.  It has made it more difficult to ward off the sweets.  I have resisted for the most part, but not with out a challenge.

My seven month old boy is cutting four teeth right now.  He has pretty much been miserable all day too.  And my two year old has been her normal, energetic two year old self.  Her normal wears me out.  She is a sweet girl, but she has tantrums many times through the day and eventually it takes its toll on me, which today took place about 8am.

Despite my challenges with cranky kids.  I have gotten my exercise in.  Yesterday I got in an hour at the gym, doing strength training and cardio.  Today I didn’t make it to the gym, but I did get in a 45 minute brisk walk with the kids in the stroller.

Doughnut Day Control

Did you know that today was National Doughnut Day?  In celebration Krispy Kreme and Dunkin’ Donuts are offering FREE doughnuts to customers today, June 3rd.

Must have control.  Thank goodness, doughnuts are not my greatest weakness!

Currently my two year old is throwing a tantrum because I will not give her more vitamins (in her words, “Bi-min”), which she thinks are candy.

I will prevail!  Deep breaths and moving forward.

Welcome to my Blog

Hi my name is Amber and I am a sugar addict.  I have been a sugar addict since my childhood and I am yearning to overcome this weakness that creates such turmoil in my life. 

I am a mom of two: a two year old girl and a seven month old boy.  I have found that since having my children, I am battling sugar more than ever.  I seem to be a hormonal rollercoaster, lacking sleep and wanting to eat when the babes are crying. 

I am married to a man who loves soda and chocolate.

Before getting married I controlled my sugar addiction by not keeping any sugar in the house. I ate treats and sweets when with friends, but I tried to keep it out of my daily life.  I still had struggles, but I was able to manage the urge to eat, by not having it there.  I like to bake, but I don’t do it much in fear of eating it.

My realization….  I gained 50 lbs. with my two pregnancies.  I would like to have more children, but I can’t imagine gaining more.  I am on a quest to overcome, so that when my husband and I are ready to add to our family I might be able to endure pregnancy and post-partum with out gaining another 50 lbs.  Of coarse that is just a surface issue.  I have a lot of deep roots with sugary goodness.  I have always enjoyed the temporary comfort it brings and I have developed scary addictive behavior in the past seven months since my son was born.  It is frightening  me. 

Over the weekend my extended family gathered at my grandmother’s house to celebrate Memorial Day.  I arrived late after a dinner at my in-laws.  I knew they would have sugary snacks there and I wanted to participate in some of the yummy goodness.  I socialized with family for a while before I retreated to the kitchen to find and devour some mint brownies my sister-in-law had made.  I am finding myself thinking about the food at gatherings, wanting and craving, and attending, just so I can eat it.  This seems like really unhealthy, erratic behavior.  It scares me and I am ready to address it and move forward.

A few days ago I ate a whole large bag of peanut M&M’s.  I started it on Monday and finished it off on Tuesday.  I have never done that and I know I did it out of emotional/hormonal eating.  Last night my husband wanted brownies and I caved like a mad woman.  I couldn’t wait to taste the sugary, chocolaty goodness on my palate.

To top off my sugar addiction I have Hypoglycemia (low blood sugar).  I was diagnosed 12 years ago and after my diagnosis I changed my diet and I lost 40lbs with out hardly any exercise and felt like a new person; energetic, happy and confident. I kept it off for a couple of years… then college got the best of me.  I was poor and ate a poor college student’s diet.  Pounds snuck on and my sugar addiction ebb and flowed. And here I am now, 50lbs beyond that gain.

I am here to be candid and I am here to journal my experience to a healthier life.  My intentions are not to give up sugar forever.  My intentions are to learn how to overcome the want and the need to eat sugar.  My intentions are to replace my bad habits with healthy habits.  My intentions are to teach my kids healthy habits too.

Come join me on my journey of learning, growing and overcoming!